That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
