I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
