Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
