If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
