Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
