I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
