It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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