We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A bitchslap is in order.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
