My nipple is on Facebook.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it hurts more in the daytime
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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