Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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