look no pants
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
