your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
