Say something about gay babies.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
