Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
