U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
