dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
