I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
