My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
