Come see our sink grown plant.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would ride that face into the sunset
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
