I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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