I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
