She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
