at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
