also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize