this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize