We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
