Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
love makes seman taste better
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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