I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
