Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
being pregnant is like rehab
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
