now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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