I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
