We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
