Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
