i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dear god my vagina.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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