I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
