I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
