Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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