His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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