u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
