I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
