so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
