I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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