I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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