like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
