moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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