I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wish there were birth control emojis
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
