my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
