there was a trapeze. enough said
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
