Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
