saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
