The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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