Banned from zoo.
Again?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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