I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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