Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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