He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
