Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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