I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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