I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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