Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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