Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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