She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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