My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
found the other keg... it's in the tree
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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