i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
