I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
