***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize