bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
