I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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