I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
