she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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