I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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