i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
