just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize