I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize