Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
