They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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