I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
