She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
